Have you ever been at a resort or on a cruise and seen between 50 to 100 people or more, of all ages wearing the same color T-shirt? When you look closer you see that the group is part of a family reunion trip. And you wonder, “How did they organize this?” or “Would this work for my family?” Well, these trips don’t just happen. More likely than not, the trip is part of an on-going effort by the family to keep a tight bond among family members across multiple generations. The reunion trip is an outgrowth of numerous and intentional family interactions to keep and strengthen this bond.

I’ve written this book to share ideas on how to start, or continue, family bonds that can last for 100 years or longer. When you are finished reading, my hope and expectation is that you will have ideas and a blueprint on how to plant and nurture a lasting family legacy of multi-generational bonds for your family. You will have a common vocabulary that defines what your objective should be in creating your multi-generational family bond; you will understand how to tackle the inevitable questions you will have about why this couldn’t possibly work in your family, along with some ideas on how to overcome these appropriate concerns; and you will have the framework of how to plant and nurture your multi-generational family bonds from scratch. Additionally, you will understand how to overcome the eventual lack of momentum or apathy either in the initial formation of this framework or after a few, or a number of years of success.

In writing on this subject, I draw on both my observations of working with families just like yours in my wealth management practice as well as from personal experience from my family. In my wealth management practice, I’ve had the privilege of working with many families who created and continue to nurture strong family bonds. I hear from other clients where their family bond has frayed. I also draw on personal experience of growing up in a family where my grandfather’s generation put in place a structure for a multi-generational family bond which continues today. My family’s framework is called, Cousins’ Club, which is nearing the 80-year mark of its existence. Cousins’ Club has enabled my family, with roots originating in Pittsburgh, PA, to remain connected as family members spread out across the U.S. and around the globe.

In its simplest form, this is a book about building and growing relationships. It’s entirely appropriate to be wondering how a financial advisor without a degree in psychology or social work has anything meaningful or intelligent to say about this subject. You have a point. And if you are looking for research to back-up what I introduce in the following pages, I don’t provide it. However, it wasn’t until the 4th grade that I realized that every family didn’t have a cousins’ club. I don’t lead with an explanation of how my family did this because it may not be the right path for your family to grow and nurture its orchard. I want you to first have the framework and blueprint to do what you think may work for your family, before learning the details of what my grandparent’s generation blessed my family with.

Other books have tackled longevity in family relationships. Early in my wealth management career, I was introduced to a book written by James E. Hughes, Jr. Hughes’s book is titled, Family Wealth — Keeping It In the Family: How Family Members and Their Advisers Preserve Human, Intellectual and Financial Assets for Generations. Hughes introduced me to the concept that family wealth is about more than just money; he offers that a family’s wealth incorporates the human and intellectual capital of each family member in addition to a family’s wealth.

The focus on family wealth being about more than just money, started me on my journey to understand how some families create and maintain bonds for multiple generations while other families lose, or never have, a bond that transcends multiple generations. Hughes’s core premise revolves around a saying that he shares is found in some form in most cultures. In western culture the saying is, “Rags to Rags in 3 Generations.” This saying identifies a common trend regarding families and money. Namely, that the first generation creates monetary wealth, the second generation holds onto the wealth and the third generation squanders the family money. Hughes starts with the rags-to-rags observation and then offers strategies on how to avoid this fate by nurturing the human and intellectual capital of each family member in addition to their financial capital. Although Hughes recognizes the importance of intellectual and human capital in addition to financial capital, he still begins his exploration with money as the common starting point.

Hughes was an estate attorney with uber-wealthy families as clients. So, his focus led him to write about the challenges brought about by extreme wealth.

I propose that for family bonds to endure, it can be more beneficial to have a starting point other than money.

I suggest starting with something other than money for a reason. Often, when money is introduced to the family dynamic, it creates different challenges in building a multi-generational family bond. In fact, as the title of this book suggests, I believe Wealth is the last of three criteria associated with a family bond. The Family should first create its Legacy. Only then does Wealth get introduced as a component of creating a multi-generational family bond. In fact, by starting with Legacy as the goal, a multi-generational family bond can be built without money ever becoming a component.

My frame of reference is formed through both my interaction with my clients in the $2 – $20 million wealth range as well as my own family’s experience in laying the foundation for a multi-generational bond well before money was introduced to our family dynamic. Inevitably, family members will have different amounts of monetary wealth. Without money being a necessary component of a multi-generational family bond, each family member remains a core and important component of the family. In this regard, Hughes is correct. Family members are more than just their bank account. Each member also brings human and intellectual capital to the family.

The following pages provide a blueprint to create and nurture a multi-generational family bond in your family. By having a starting point other than wealth, you are not constrained or deterred in your effort. Thus, this book is not only for families who have already created wealth but also for the families who are yet to build their wealth. I hope you enjoy your exploration.